I must admit, as the end of work and the beginning of my time off draws nearer, I am feeling a little more anxious each day, tomorrow marks the first day of my last week of work (as a Nurse) for the next 12 months, and the last time I walk these corridors in that time. While I am looking forward to the break, the fear of lack and financial dependence weighs heavily on my heart. I have worked at this same job for the last 15 years or so and it is time for a break and perhaps a new start at something else.

I know 15 years is not a long time but I have been a registered Nurse since 1988 and although I’ve had time off while I had my kids I have worked as an RN on and off the whole time. I have also dabbled in a few other areas to make ends meet but predominantly my job or career was as a registered nurse.  Some of the other things I have done over the years include: cleaning for a local govt department, selling Tupperware, secretarial, working as an herbalist in a health food shop and privately, and teaching, some of these I have done concurrently with working in the hospital. And while I have experienced a few different job areas I can say that nursing by far is the most challenging, I’d like to also say rewarding, but I’m not so sure…

I fell into nursing as an 18year old. I thought back then I wasn’t good enough to be anything else. I failed out of my first year of a science degree only then to swap and do another three years to finish my nursing qualifications.

In the beginning I was full of hope and had grandiose dreams of helping others and saving the world. However, nursing for me has not stayed this way. I left early on in my career due to a neck injury I sustained in a car accident and I thought back then that, that was it for my nursing career. I was told at the time by the medical profession I’d never nurse again… never say never. Just a few short years later and out of necessity I found myself back working as an agency Nurse to try and make ends meet. At this time my first marriage was in trouble and I had to take over financial care of myself and our three children. From there I found a casual job at one of the local private hospitals and worked there as the last remnants of my marriage disintegrated around me. I’ll never forget the shame and despair I felt sitting on a phone book in our lounge room, the only furniture we had left (another long story best left for another time), cancelling my last shift… how was I going to manage? I still had 2 kids at home. All I can say is thank goodness for benefits.

Well a short 2 years later, post divorce and with all kids now at school, I found myself back nursing with a temporary part-time contract at the main public hospital in our area, and I’ve been there ever since although now I have a permanent contract. I hadn’t planned on staying in nursing and wanted desperately to get out – start a new career, so the first few years back working I undertook a science degree majoring in herbal medicine. It was going to be my ticket out, or so I thought, but alas, bills, kids and a mortgage kept me at the hospital.

Nursing has changed so much over the years it is almost unrecognizable from when I first started. I must admit that I only continued to work to support myself and my family, and as the years ticked on I found myself becoming more and more cynical and jaded, so much so that each night these last few years (and I have mainly done nights) as I drove to work I felt like a little piece of me would die inside.

It is a constantly stressful job. People are becoming sicker as the years roll on. In the past, patients that we see regularly on the ward now would have been in ICU or palliated. Now we have to keep everyone alive for as long as possible. Not only are patients sicker both they and their families are more informed and demanding. Nurses aren’t treated with the respect they once were. If I am never punched, kicked, spat on, bitten, sworn at, yelled at and abused it will be too soon.

I will however miss my colleagues. We have a close bond, not like regular work mates, but something more. We have been through such horror, grief and sadness that most others only see briefly in their lives.  All the while trying to maintain ordinary lives outside of what we do. They are like family, and I often see them more than my own family. I just hope we can stay in touch while I am away, although I fear that best laid plans… our shifts often make it hard to get together outside of work, but we will try as we always have.

I tip my hat to those I am leaving behind as I venture forth, hopefully to new horizons. You are amazing at what you do and I don’t think anyone tells you enough. I will miss the pranks, the laughter, the jokes, the shoulders to lean and cry on and the ears to bitch and off load to.

Three shifts to go… so as I sign off it is most likely not goodbye, but au revoir.