Below is taken from a journal entry I wrote quite a while back (as you can see) and I thought I’d share it as a tribute to my Grandmother.
Bessie, I miss you everyday…
29thOctober 2009 (Thursday 1220hrs)
Well the wheel sort of fell off since the last time I sat to reflect on my life… let me see if I can fill you in a bit. The Friday after I wrote last I had just woken up (worked the Thursday night), it was about 1330hrs. I felt compelled to get up, not something I usually do when I have to go back to work that night, but anyway get up I did. When I made it to the kitchen the answering machine had a message – not that unusual we get lots of calls for money and offers to buy things but this day was to prove different. I received a phone message from mum, it went something like this (in a frantic tone…).
“If you want to say good bye to your grandmother then you had better get yourself down here to the home soon.”
Well needless to say that rocked my world some what – we had all been waiting for the day but now it seemed it had finally arrived. Beside myself I raced like a bat out of hell, thinking I had already missed my chance to say good bye, to the nursing home where she spent the last 2 years of her life (if you can call it a life). She was still conscious much to my disbelief and relief. And as I bent to kiss her she smiled at me as if to acknowledge this would be our last encounter. It wasn’t quite… It seemed she was waiting as we were for her son to arrive. My Uncle was visiting his daughter in WA at the time and was on the red eye back that night (Friday). I stayed a while then went home to rest before work that night. I went back the next morning straight after work (picked up Mum on the way). We ended up staying so long I had to get my husband to come and collect me. She (Grandma) was still semiconscious then. I went home to sleep as I still had another night to work. By the time I left though, my Uncle had arrived. It was very sad, but nice to see how much love her children had for her. I went back later that evening mainly to get my car but also to say my last goodbyes. She did the typical rally, the last hoorah; she even had a laugh with us. Then she slowly slipped into unconsciousness the next day. I waited ‘til after I had slept before I went on the Sunday to see her. She had so much fight in her I wondered and wonder still what made her hang on for so long. On the Monday morning, I woke to a bright flash of light through our bedroom. It was so bright and fleeting. I looked at my clock, it was 0550hrs. I wondered then what time Dad would ring. I didn’t have to wait long – 0605hrs. Grandma passed at 0545hrs Monday 21stSeptember 2009. I know I was sad to see her finally pass over, she fought every step of the way and in the end, despite the family’s efforts, she died alone. I guess that’s how she wanted it.
A month on, I know that I haven’t fully grieved for Grandma, but maybe the years she has slowly slipped away from us, have afforded us time to prepare for the inevitable. I will miss her; I have missed her for the last probably 6 years, since her transition into the Nursing Home where she spent her last days. I loved her dearly and have nothing but fond memories of her. She will always have a place in my heart. She was my idol. I always wanted to be just like her.
She was kind and caring – I know she could be stern but I hardly ever saw that in her. Grandma never had a bad word to say about anybody (well not until she was much older and then only in private). She was a great cook, I still remember the day I went to her place to learn how to make the traditional family Christmas pudding, after that day we started a pudding day each year – the kids and I continued the tradition although now we try different things, tweaking the recipe or making individual ones. For this year though I think I will go back to her traditional method out of respect for her. The pudding was a highlight but I think the brandy custard we slathered all over it was more memorable. We all have memories of her legendary brandy custard. She also made the best pumpkin scones – and she would make them especially for me when I came to visit. Try as I might I just can’t seem to make them like she did. She rarely used a recipe book but somehow had a knack of being able to throw food together and make a feast. Gramma pie, sausages and gravy, roast dinners, fish and chips, mulberry pie (after we had picked the mulberries off her tree) and many more besides.
Her home was always warm, and welcoming. She had a great sense of humour. She gave me my first shandy, and when we stayed with her she would take us to the pub to have lunch or an afternoon drink on the terrace – sitting watching the water in the shade with the Nor’easter blowing in. She used to knit for me and no doubt others, but she made me the most beautiful jumpers and each winter out of the scraps of leftover wool, she would knit me stripy woolen socks. I loved them. I believe my Aunt still has one of my jumpers. I kick myself now that I ever gave them away, they would have fitted my girls. It is just such a nice feeling to know that you are loved and that gifts are given to you with such love and care. I still have the crazy tea set she bought me, and I think of her every time I use it. She bought me my first tarot cards – she even came with me when I picked them out. She also taught me to read tea leaves, another fun pastime after morning tea (or anytime tea was had). I would like to think if I am ever blessed with grandchildren that they might think of me in the same way; kind, caring, fun, adventurous, loving and just a little bit loopy. Oh, and did I say fiercely independent?
