Well seven weeks on not much has changed, while I have been busy at times I am struggling now 
more than previously to find my way and get into any sort of routine for my life. It is an odd feeling thinking that work is still nearly a year away; it’s not like being on holidays and knowing in a few weeks it will all end and you’ll be back at work. Although it is a finite amount of time (one year) it is still far enough off that it feels unreal.
My sleeping, eating and exercise patterns, are still all over the place, although I must admit I do not have the same level of tiredness that I would have if I had been working. While I continue to feel tired I am not dragging myself around just existing, putting one foot in front of the other. I have had plenty of time to myself but still find it hard to motivate myself to get going in the mornings, unless of course I have something planned. On those days I find it easy to get going and usually I get quite a bit accomplished, on the other days I still sit and read a lot, scroll through Facebook and Instagram, watch a bit of TV and generally potter around the house doing bits and pieces (you know the sort of things, picking up, putting away, washing clothes etc.).
I find myself still wandering aimlessly about the house wondering what will inspire me to change my life and make it bigger and better than it already is. Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking like that, maybe my life is just perfect as it is. I know others would see it as being so. I’m am very grateful for this opportunity to sit back and assess my life and where I am headed, but I am also impatient and I wanted all that to be figured out before I finished work so I could just get on and do it. I guess this is a taste of what retirement will be like, which worries me somewhat…
What if there is nothing more than what I already have???
That doesn’t bear thinking about, it just freaks me out; I have always thought my life could be better, no matter what was happening or where I was. I have never been content with the status quo… maybe that is one of the things I need to learn during this time off, to be totally content with what I have and where I am. Still I hope this isn’t all there is, I hope there is always something bigger and better waiting round the next bend. Until then I will continue to feel grateful and blessed that my life has thus far turned out not too bad.
Written: May 2017